Roll on Roller Coaster

This past weekend took our family on a wild ride.  Karen and I knew that Jack now has an "abnormal mass" in the frontal lobe of his brain, but we were going to have to wait a full 4 days before we could begin to speak to a specialist regarding what was showing up on the CT SCAN.  In the meantime, Jack and Paul were continuing to behave like the same old wild boys we always knew, so we decided to keep things normal in our family and go to our weekly soccer game. While at the game, our pediatricians office called Karen to confirm that our follow up MRI test from Friday confirmed the negative image that showed up on the CT SCAN.   Jack ran all over the field and show absolutely no signs that anything could possibly be wrong with him. That night Jack helped Mommy in kitchen chop vegetable and make some stew. Everything felt so good, there has to be some kind of mistake.  That night the  boys went next door and had a sleep-over with Harper at the Moloney's house. Karen and I had the house to ourselves but we tossed and turned all evening.  Sleep is not easy.

The next morning I receive a phone calling me that my grandmother, Ursula McEvoy, passed away in the previous evening.  She had had a massive stroke early in the week and her body had apparently declined rapidly.  I feel so bad that I couldn't be near her during this final week, but my mind is completely wrapped up around Jack.

The next morning the boys came back to our house with Harper and had a huge breakfast of scrambled eggs, spaghetti-o's , and KIX. Jack had a huge appetite. It was a lazy Sunday and Jack went to the backyard to play by himself. He was skateboarding perfectly up and down the driveway.  He then started climbing along the cinderblock wall that is between ours and the Moloney house.  His balance could not have been more perfect.  Later that afternoon Karen and I decided to split up with the boys and do some afternoon errands.  Jack wanted to go to the beach with Karen and I was going to take Paul to Jerry's Deli for lunch. About an hour after leaving the house I get a call from Karen saying the Jack was having another one of his "SPACE-OUT" seizures.  She wanted to take him to the emergency room and start moving on the fast track to find out what EXACTLY going on with Jack's brain.

Paul and I turned around and went home to pick up some warm clothes and blanky for Jack and Mommy and then we went to meet them at Cedar's in the emergency room.  By the time we arrived at the hospital Jack was looking more alert, but Karen was moving forward with Neuro-Pediatrician on duty. About 4 hours after arriving at the hospital, it was determined that Jack has a lesion/tumor on his brain and that his going to be prepped for surgery the following morning.  FUCK!!!!!!!!! Oh Jesus Fucking Christ, what the hell is going on?!?!?  Paul and I left the Hospital and I dropped him off at Harper's house for another sleep over.  I packed an over-night bag and headed back the hospital.  It feels like I'm just a passenger on a wild bus ride through hell.  I have no control about what is happening to my son.  I'm just holding on, following the doctor's lead.  Karen and I have agreed to forgo getting a second opinion from outside doctors.  We feel the urgency from Cedar's to move forward quickly. 

The surgeon who will be operating on Jack is Moise Danielpour. Karen and I have to trust that he knows what best and we are ready to move forward.  Jack, of course, is loving his time at the hospital.  They roll him around the halls in his bed.  He gets to ride up and down in elevators in his bed and his the constant center of attention.  His appetite is still large and his staying awake late watching TV in his bed.

He finally falls asleep around 10:30pm.  Karen and I completely wiped out, but it is very difficult to sleep.  We are so worried.  TONIGHT HAS NOW BECOME THE WORST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES.  Our conversations vacillate between the completely optimistic and the utterly horrible.  We're just going nuts with exhaustion, worry and grief.  Our little angel is lying asleep in the gurney and we're huddled on the fold out cot, preparing ourselves for surgery the next morning.

The beginning..

I'm exhausted. Totally wiped out.  Today was the worst day of my life. It all started yesterday afternoon. I've been real busy at work lately, but we've been making good progress and we turned over our first full length copy of the movie to our producer JIM WILSON.  This was convenient since Jack had a CT scan scheduled nearby my work at 1:30 and I was able to leave to be with him during the scan.  Mainly I just hung out with Paul and walked around outside the building while Karen and Jack dealt with physicians.  Paul and I did manage to arrive back in time so I could be in the room with Jack when the took the brain images.  Honestly, I didn't think much would come of the scan.  Had we been any busier at the office I probably wouldn't have even bothered to take the time away from work. After we left the imaging center of Providence St. Joseph's in Burbank, it was back to work on SWING VOTE. Karen took the boys to 31 FLAVORS and then home to play with Harper.  Around 5:30p Karen called me at work to say our pediatrician had received a report back on Jack's scan and we needed to meet in her office tomorrow.  FUCK!  The fact that we heard back from our Dr. Kleiner so quickly was kind of erie.  Nothing ever fast in this town.  Usually you wait to hear back a couple days later or sometimes you have to call people for information, but here's our doctor calling to say we need to have a meeting.  Still I wasn't overly worried.  I told the director Josh that needed to take the next morning off, but that I fully planned on coming back to work on Friday(today) afternoon.  Last night Karen and I were a bit anxious, but there was nothing to do but wait.  

This morning we woke up like normal and everyone got ready for school. Karen and I are both looking at Jack like he's this new fragile person in our house.  He's totally acting normal jumping around and having a good time.  I drove the boys to school, same as always.  Paul wast to receive an award for citizen of the week so I stayed on campus and watched him and Jack start the school day.  Jack looked perfectly healthy and normal. Then I went to have coffee and wait until our 11:30 appt. 

Karen and I were able to get to the pediatricians office early and we were quickly met by Dr. Kleiner.  She was not dressed in Dr's clothes which gave the impression that she had come in special just for our meeting today.  We were led to a private room in the back of the facility.  It looked like a spare storage room or file closet, nothing that would be use for medical examinations or office visits.  Dr. Kleiner told us that the CT scan on our son Jack revealed a abnormal 2cm mass in the (left?) frontal lobe of his brain tissue. She has no other information. Just that there is an object that could be a tumor, could be cancer, could be a benign calcium deposit. Who knows?  But we need to act on it. At that moment my whole body goes numb.  What the fuck is she talking about?!?!?  Nobody knows anything about this mass, but we need to go in immediately for a more extensive MRI scan.  Light waves of nauseau start coming on.  This is NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL.  What do we do?  How do we move forward?

Dr Kleiner scheduled the emergency MRI at CEDAR's Sinai for 4pm (Mark Tapper Imaging Center).  Before that we still had to go to ENCINO for a HEART exam on Jack. Karen went home to pick up some item for Jack.  I left the pediatricians office and sat in my truck, still in shock and confused.  I felt like crying and vomiting all at the same time.  My body started felling really numb and achy. I called Josh and told that I would not be coming into the office today.  I'm sure he was aware that we had received some really bad news.  I drove home to Pick up Karen so we could ride together for the rest of the day.  We made it to Sherman Oaks Elementary and picked up the boys.  The weirdest thing is that for the rest of the day I will constantly need to pee. Odd, but the urge to pee always with me.  

We take the boys to the cardiologist and explain to the doctor that we have received some grim news already today.  Karen and I are in complete shock and our minds have been thinking all types of bizzarr thoughts.  We don't know if what Jack has in his brain is spreading through his body? Could his heart also be affected?  The doctor recognizes our concern and does a set of test. ULTRASOUND and EKG.  He's says Jack has a normal heart with no surprises.  The only thing he detects is an INNOCENT HEART MURMER, what ever the fuck that is.  Right now I'm just glad to hear some good news from a specialist about Jack's heart.  Given the news we just delivered to him, I have to believe he more thorough than usual when looking for any abnormalites.

Next it's a mad dash to CEDAR's. Traffic is quite light on the 405 and we make over the hill rather quickly.  Karen and I are struggling to stay strong in front of the boys.  Our body aches to make tears, but we can't spook them.  AGAIN, I'm on complete auto pilot.  TOTALLY IN A FOG driving across town.  No radio, everyone being quiet.

Jack goes in for his MRI with mommy, while Paul and  go to the bev center.  Paul is starting to get tired and hungry.  This is turning into a long day for him also, but he s being quite the trooper.

Karen went in with Jack for his scan.  She said he was real brave kid who laid perfectly still the whole time.  He had to get poked 3 times in the arm so they could find a vein that would deliver dye to his brain to help the imaging.

Afterwards we all went home.  Spent from the long day.  Karen made dinner for the boys and I drove to my office to retrieve my laptops. I called my mother and updated her on what we which is not much and then I called Josh and told him I would be in the office on MONDAY.

Our next step is to wait for call from Dr. Kleiner regarding the scans they took today.  We go to St. Joe's tomorrow to pick up hardcopies of the CT scans they took yeaster day.  on tuesday we have a meeting scheduled on Tuesday with NEURO SURGEON to discuss where we go from here.  I'm just beat.  Karen and I are going to bed now.  Tomorrow the boys have soccer and basketball sign up.  We're keeping things as normal as possible for now.